Saturday, 21 February 2009
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Are the parents peculiar too?
To answer this question I can only recount tales that were told to me and I am sure that I will unintentionally add my own spin to them so perhaps you will have to come to your own conclusions.
The parents had been married for over forty years. Diana and Katy knew three things about their parents from their earliest memories. The first was that both mother and father had very different parenting styles. Their mother did not appear to have a fantastically strong maternal instinct. Indeed the two women had wondered frequently over the years why she ever had children. During their childhood both had noticed a distinct lack of affection, hugging, pride or loving words. Their father supplied many of these things in abundance. From stories he had told them in recent years of his childhood, he too had felt keenly an absence of affection during his early life and had determined not to pass this on to his children. Consequently both Katy and Diana had suffused their own offspring with love and tenderness. The second thing the women knew was that their parents marriage had definitely gone through some bad times. It seemed to Katy and Diana that when they were children their parents had assumed that once the kids had gone to bed they had also gone deaf. The girls vividly remembered lying in bed listening to their parents shouting and arguing night after night. This seemed to go on for a good many years and by the time the girls were in their teens they had already planned what would happen 'when' their parents finally called it a day. They, Diana and Katy would go with their father and Marie and James would go and live with their mother. Perfect! In the end the situation never arose. The third thing they knew was that loyalty did not seem to be deemed particularly important. For as long as the two could remember their mother had rarely had a good word to say about her own sister nor her husbands family and their father seldom uttered a word in their defence. Katy and Diana were more than aware even today that their mother never liked to miss an opportunity to speak to them with narrowed eyes about Marie, to Diana about Katy and vice versa and they had no reason to doubt that she would be relating similar tales of disapproval to Marie and James about them.
James tended to escape scot-free. This was nothing new. For their mother, James had always been the golden child, her precious boy. The girls had chosen not to shatter her with the news that her feelings were not reciprocated. Only last year James had missed his fathers sixty fifth birthday because their parents birthdays were only days apart and he could not bear to visit his mother twice in such a short space of time. Diana and Katy prized loyalty very highly. Of the two Diana was perhaps the most black and white. Friendship was not easily given but once established loyalty was absolute! However, once a person had proven themselves unworthy of such through word, deed or both she was very slow to forgive. Out was out! It seemed insane to her to turn a blind eye and present someone with the opportunity to stab her in the back again. Her family had been given more 'second' chances than most but they had exhausted their supply now. Even Katy, who was far more willing to excuse bad behaviour was fast approaching the end of her tether with them all.
Their father had originally been a lighthouse in the family storm for them both. He had been caring, loving and supportive and had, so it seemed to them, nurtured the special 'daddy's girl' relationships that the women remembered so fondly. In the last ten years or so this relationship with his daughters had declined to a state which could only be described as dilapidated.
For Diana the rot had set in after the previously described incident when the 'ex jumped on her car. She had confided in her father that the relationship she had given up had been occasionally violent, a fact she had not shared with him at the time. She was honest and made no pretence at being a defenceless, delicate little flower. She had landed a couple of good punches herself during several of the altercations. Armed with this information her father had taken the 'ex out and bought him a drink. Apparently as her father was a good Catholic it was essential that he forgive this man (in public?) for the good of his (her fathers) everlasting soul. Diana had attempted to convey to her father how hurt she had felt at his actions but her father was undeterred. Eventually she mentally filed this deed under the heading 'traitorous' and the door to her heart closed a few inches.
To this day Diana could not figure out how this forgiveness business truly worked. As an utterly non-religious person she felt she had the freedom to judge peoples actions towards her on a person by person basis, assessing if a deed was in/out of character, whether it was accidental or on purpose, whether there were extenuating circumstances. Her father had made it clear that he possessed no such freedom, his afterlife was at stake, and yet he had recently confessed to Diana that he held grudges against Marie for what he had saw as a snubbing of a recent significant wedding anniversary of his and, farther back but by no means less vehemently held, for Marie's choice of wedding venue. Diana could not help wondering how this resentment affected his entrance through the pearly gates, and, more importantly, what was he holding against Katy and Diana?
Their mother had always possessed a propensity for bearing a grudge. Indeed she seemed to actively seek them out. Katy and Diana could not remember the last time she had told them a story that involved her leaving the house to go to the shop, the bank etc when she had not been verbally abused, insulted, slighted, ignored. The list was endless! When she had first met Dianas mother in law she had related to them both a shocking tale of being snapped at by the usually genial lady. Diana, who had been present during the meeting, realised that although the words her mother attributed to her in law were correct the emphasis of them had been altered by her mother, changing the sentence into something altogether more sinister. Diana felt olbliged to point this fact out to anyone who came to her having heard this harrowing tale.
Diana and Katy could not claim to understand their mother. They did not know quite what to do with someone so wholly determined to always see the negative in everything and everyone. After the wedding it was discovered that their mother was 'sulking' with Diana, who had so far failed to notice as she was busy being deliriously happy with her lovely new husband and her contented children. The information was eventually passed on to her by a well-meaning friend. It appeared that in their excitement during the run up to their wedding Diana and John had neglected to ask her parents if they would like any friends inviting to the nuptuals. The parents, like everyone else, had known about the event for over a year, plenty of time to politely enquire whether they might have a guest or two at the wedding and neither Diana nor John could imagine why they should have objected. This would seem far too simple a course of action. Far better for their mother to enjoy the actual occasion - a smile rarely left her face all day - and whinge about the situation later. For Diana the positive side of this story was that the day had been so perfect, everything had gone like clockwork. Her poor mother must have strived harder than usual to find cause for complaint. Strangely she did not seem too upset that neither Marie nor James had received an invitation.
This brings us to just a few short weeks ago. Diana had been browsing facebook and whilst flicking through Katy's photos had happened upon one that contained an image of Marie. As usual she had a less than pleasant countenance so Diana had added a comment under the picture to amuse herself. I believe she commented that Marie had a 'sour' face. Yes this was mischeivous, but it was also a fact. Marie did not have a facebook profile. It is a difficult thing to acheive if one has no friends so the incident should have passed with a few sniggers but without further ado. Unfortunately James came across the picture during an extensive search of the web to see if he could find anything that may offend him enough to warrant a moan. He decided to inform Marie of this hideous slight and then decided to 'tell his dad'! A bizarre choice of behaviour in a thirty seven year old. He then turned his attention to an email that had been sent to him by Dianas daughter Clair. It was a plea from her for him to stop contacting her and trying to get in her good books. She told him in no uncertain terms that she did not wish to be his friend and explained the reasons why. The 'ex on the car roof' story featured heavily. Clair used a number of colourful expletives to make her point and to convey precisely how she felt about both James and his past actions . James forwarded this email to his dad. This caused their father to call on Diana and engage in some frankly un-christian behaviour. He began by warning Diana that James should not be contacted by any means as he was in the habit of recording comunications. This did not trouble Diana in the slightest, she had no intention of contacting the man. She enquired whether her father was concerned at all that his son thought he was a spy. Her father gazed over her head and replied that he was concerned by a good many things. One of these things was a telephone call he claimed to have received from 'a woman with an educated voice' who had supposedly called with the sole purpose of asking him how Katy could allow the previously mentioned photograph and comments to remain on her facebook account. Diana remarked that this was a peculiar turn of events but she did not venture anything more than this because her mind had begun to mull over some strange queries. Was her father actually lying to her? It seemed odd. What about St Peter? She could find no other explanation. He refused to look her in the eye and his story made no sense. Why would he have made no enquiry whatsoever as to the identity of a random stranger who called his ex directory number to complain about his forty one year old married daughter? He further compounded this travesty by adding that she should be careful as James was threatening to visit Johns parents. Again Diana refused to react in the manner she was certain her father wished. Instead she let out an involuntary chuckle. It had finally dawned on her what was going on. Clearly her father had had enough of his son and daughters whining and had decided to attempt to rectify the situation. However he had vey much over-thought his approach. Having apparently decided that merely requesting that Diana remove the offending picture or comment would be too obvious he seemed to have decided to be terribly clever and take a psychological approach, appealing to Dianas conscience to manipulate her in the direction he wished her to go by intimating that someone educated (Katy worked in a school) was unhappy with Katy and could potentially affect her job. The further hint that James could somehow pose a threat of some kind to her new in laws was equally as abhorrent to Diana. Unfortunately for her father the distance that had grown between them in the recent years meant that he no longer knew her as well as he thought he did......
.... Diana decided to stick two fingers up to the whole weird bunch and learnt about blogging!!!
To answer this question I can only recount tales that were told to me and I am sure that I will unintentionally add my own spin to them so perhaps you will have to come to your own conclusions.
The parents had been married for over forty years. Diana and Katy knew three things about their parents from their earliest memories. The first was that both mother and father had very different parenting styles. Their mother did not appear to have a fantastically strong maternal instinct. Indeed the two women had wondered frequently over the years why she ever had children. During their childhood both had noticed a distinct lack of affection, hugging, pride or loving words. Their father supplied many of these things in abundance. From stories he had told them in recent years of his childhood, he too had felt keenly an absence of affection during his early life and had determined not to pass this on to his children. Consequently both Katy and Diana had suffused their own offspring with love and tenderness. The second thing the women knew was that their parents marriage had definitely gone through some bad times. It seemed to Katy and Diana that when they were children their parents had assumed that once the kids had gone to bed they had also gone deaf. The girls vividly remembered lying in bed listening to their parents shouting and arguing night after night. This seemed to go on for a good many years and by the time the girls were in their teens they had already planned what would happen 'when' their parents finally called it a day. They, Diana and Katy would go with their father and Marie and James would go and live with their mother. Perfect! In the end the situation never arose. The third thing they knew was that loyalty did not seem to be deemed particularly important. For as long as the two could remember their mother had rarely had a good word to say about her own sister nor her husbands family and their father seldom uttered a word in their defence. Katy and Diana were more than aware even today that their mother never liked to miss an opportunity to speak to them with narrowed eyes about Marie, to Diana about Katy and vice versa and they had no reason to doubt that she would be relating similar tales of disapproval to Marie and James about them.
James tended to escape scot-free. This was nothing new. For their mother, James had always been the golden child, her precious boy. The girls had chosen not to shatter her with the news that her feelings were not reciprocated. Only last year James had missed his fathers sixty fifth birthday because their parents birthdays were only days apart and he could not bear to visit his mother twice in such a short space of time. Diana and Katy prized loyalty very highly. Of the two Diana was perhaps the most black and white. Friendship was not easily given but once established loyalty was absolute! However, once a person had proven themselves unworthy of such through word, deed or both she was very slow to forgive. Out was out! It seemed insane to her to turn a blind eye and present someone with the opportunity to stab her in the back again. Her family had been given more 'second' chances than most but they had exhausted their supply now. Even Katy, who was far more willing to excuse bad behaviour was fast approaching the end of her tether with them all.
Their father had originally been a lighthouse in the family storm for them both. He had been caring, loving and supportive and had, so it seemed to them, nurtured the special 'daddy's girl' relationships that the women remembered so fondly. In the last ten years or so this relationship with his daughters had declined to a state which could only be described as dilapidated.
For Diana the rot had set in after the previously described incident when the 'ex jumped on her car. She had confided in her father that the relationship she had given up had been occasionally violent, a fact she had not shared with him at the time. She was honest and made no pretence at being a defenceless, delicate little flower. She had landed a couple of good punches herself during several of the altercations. Armed with this information her father had taken the 'ex out and bought him a drink. Apparently as her father was a good Catholic it was essential that he forgive this man (in public?) for the good of his (her fathers) everlasting soul. Diana had attempted to convey to her father how hurt she had felt at his actions but her father was undeterred. Eventually she mentally filed this deed under the heading 'traitorous' and the door to her heart closed a few inches.
To this day Diana could not figure out how this forgiveness business truly worked. As an utterly non-religious person she felt she had the freedom to judge peoples actions towards her on a person by person basis, assessing if a deed was in/out of character, whether it was accidental or on purpose, whether there were extenuating circumstances. Her father had made it clear that he possessed no such freedom, his afterlife was at stake, and yet he had recently confessed to Diana that he held grudges against Marie for what he had saw as a snubbing of a recent significant wedding anniversary of his and, farther back but by no means less vehemently held, for Marie's choice of wedding venue. Diana could not help wondering how this resentment affected his entrance through the pearly gates, and, more importantly, what was he holding against Katy and Diana?
Their mother had always possessed a propensity for bearing a grudge. Indeed she seemed to actively seek them out. Katy and Diana could not remember the last time she had told them a story that involved her leaving the house to go to the shop, the bank etc when she had not been verbally abused, insulted, slighted, ignored. The list was endless! When she had first met Dianas mother in law she had related to them both a shocking tale of being snapped at by the usually genial lady. Diana, who had been present during the meeting, realised that although the words her mother attributed to her in law were correct the emphasis of them had been altered by her mother, changing the sentence into something altogether more sinister. Diana felt olbliged to point this fact out to anyone who came to her having heard this harrowing tale.
Diana and Katy could not claim to understand their mother. They did not know quite what to do with someone so wholly determined to always see the negative in everything and everyone. After the wedding it was discovered that their mother was 'sulking' with Diana, who had so far failed to notice as she was busy being deliriously happy with her lovely new husband and her contented children. The information was eventually passed on to her by a well-meaning friend. It appeared that in their excitement during the run up to their wedding Diana and John had neglected to ask her parents if they would like any friends inviting to the nuptuals. The parents, like everyone else, had known about the event for over a year, plenty of time to politely enquire whether they might have a guest or two at the wedding and neither Diana nor John could imagine why they should have objected. This would seem far too simple a course of action. Far better for their mother to enjoy the actual occasion - a smile rarely left her face all day - and whinge about the situation later. For Diana the positive side of this story was that the day had been so perfect, everything had gone like clockwork. Her poor mother must have strived harder than usual to find cause for complaint. Strangely she did not seem too upset that neither Marie nor James had received an invitation.
This brings us to just a few short weeks ago. Diana had been browsing facebook and whilst flicking through Katy's photos had happened upon one that contained an image of Marie. As usual she had a less than pleasant countenance so Diana had added a comment under the picture to amuse herself. I believe she commented that Marie had a 'sour' face. Yes this was mischeivous, but it was also a fact. Marie did not have a facebook profile. It is a difficult thing to acheive if one has no friends so the incident should have passed with a few sniggers but without further ado. Unfortunately James came across the picture during an extensive search of the web to see if he could find anything that may offend him enough to warrant a moan. He decided to inform Marie of this hideous slight and then decided to 'tell his dad'! A bizarre choice of behaviour in a thirty seven year old. He then turned his attention to an email that had been sent to him by Dianas daughter Clair. It was a plea from her for him to stop contacting her and trying to get in her good books. She told him in no uncertain terms that she did not wish to be his friend and explained the reasons why. The 'ex on the car roof' story featured heavily. Clair used a number of colourful expletives to make her point and to convey precisely how she felt about both James and his past actions . James forwarded this email to his dad. This caused their father to call on Diana and engage in some frankly un-christian behaviour. He began by warning Diana that James should not be contacted by any means as he was in the habit of recording comunications. This did not trouble Diana in the slightest, she had no intention of contacting the man. She enquired whether her father was concerned at all that his son thought he was a spy. Her father gazed over her head and replied that he was concerned by a good many things. One of these things was a telephone call he claimed to have received from 'a woman with an educated voice' who had supposedly called with the sole purpose of asking him how Katy could allow the previously mentioned photograph and comments to remain on her facebook account. Diana remarked that this was a peculiar turn of events but she did not venture anything more than this because her mind had begun to mull over some strange queries. Was her father actually lying to her? It seemed odd. What about St Peter? She could find no other explanation. He refused to look her in the eye and his story made no sense. Why would he have made no enquiry whatsoever as to the identity of a random stranger who called his ex directory number to complain about his forty one year old married daughter? He further compounded this travesty by adding that she should be careful as James was threatening to visit Johns parents. Again Diana refused to react in the manner she was certain her father wished. Instead she let out an involuntary chuckle. It had finally dawned on her what was going on. Clearly her father had had enough of his son and daughters whining and had decided to attempt to rectify the situation. However he had vey much over-thought his approach. Having apparently decided that merely requesting that Diana remove the offending picture or comment would be too obvious he seemed to have decided to be terribly clever and take a psychological approach, appealing to Dianas conscience to manipulate her in the direction he wished her to go by intimating that someone educated (Katy worked in a school) was unhappy with Katy and could potentially affect her job. The further hint that James could somehow pose a threat of some kind to her new in laws was equally as abhorrent to Diana. Unfortunately for her father the distance that had grown between them in the recent years meant that he no longer knew her as well as he thought he did......
.... Diana decided to stick two fingers up to the whole weird bunch and learnt about blogging!!!
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